Insightful? Haha, not quite. ^^;;And just to be clear, me thinking is never a great idea. I tend to go wayy into left field when I think too hard on one topic. Like today—I was thinking about how much of a shitty student I am, and then half an hour later, I was looking up famous train wrecks on Google. I kid you not, that’s how my thought process works. But anyway, back to what I was rambling on to begin with.
After I woke up this morning, I was staring at my textbooks and thinking to myself; “Wow. I have exams tomorrow and Tuesday that I haven’t even begun to study for.” Any other person would get their shit together and get crackin’ on those books, right? Everyone I know that’s in college (and even my friends still in high school) is studying for end of term exams and whatnot, but me? No, I didn’t start studying. I left my room to make a turkey sandwich and came back to read fanfiction. And it’s not just recently; it’s been like that all semester.
It’s not like I’m taking this for granted—at least, I’m not trying to do it consciously. It’s been like this ever since I was halfway through my Junior year in high school. I just… stopped giving a shit. I didn’t care. And it wasn’t like I had Senioritis prematurely or anything (well, I definitely did, but still… ), I just genuinely did not give a shit. I noticed it, my teachers noticed it, my parents noticed it… but no matter what they did or what I did, I still didn’t give a shit. I think I lack motivation, but I have no idea what motivates me anymore. It’s kind of a scary thought. The things that I really love, like books and fashion and dancing and cosplay, I still love them a lot. But when I try to apply them to school and studying, it’s just, “Meh”, and it’s annoying. I don’t even know what I want to major it yet. And I know you’re probably thing, “Well shit Rachael, you’ve been in college for four months; there’s, like, an unwritten rule that you’re not supposed to know what you want to do for the rest of your life yet.” And yeah, I get that. But most other people at least have a general idea of what they want to do; I don’t even have that. Does it sound like I’m slightly freaking out? ‘Cause I… kind of am. .__. I mean, I not terribly good or original at anything; everything that I like to do, I can think of ten people who could do the same exact thing, only ten times better. And my personality isn’t exactly something to write home about. I’m quiet and awkward and asf;jk;j;. >A< So what is there for me to do for a living that a hundred million other people in the world can’t? Is there really enough individuality in the world for everyone? How is individuality divided, anyway? How do we know that the person riding on the bus or the subway in the seat next to us or even the car speeding past us on the highway doesn’t have more or less individuality than we do? Arugh, see what I mean? Left field. >__>
Uhm… if I sound like those annoying kids who sit around blog about stupid shit and whine about nothing and how no one give a shit or try to sound philosophical or insightful, I’m not. I’m just… really curious. I know that I want to get something done, I’m going to have to do it. I know that everyone wakes up on weekdays and goes, “Ugh, it’s [insert day of week here] already? Jeez, I have to go to school/ to work/ fight crime/ save the planet again.” It’s just that… errgh, I don’t know. There are tons of people out there who have it tons worse that not knowing what they want to be when they grow up, but just for a minute, I don’t care about them. Did that sound heartless? = n= I suppose it did… so what exactly is the point of this journal? Heh, beats me. I’m not looking for advice or anything, I just wanted to share my thoughts and vent for a moment.
And not only that, but I’m kind of tired of every song that’s on my iPod right now. =__=U All 1144 of them. BUT! I’ve started listening to French pop songs (LOLWHUT?) and I really like them. I just downloaded, like, thirty songs a few minutes ago, haha. xDD
--Okatan
“I think I can, I think I can, I have to because the world won’t stop turning.” Rain Shadow by Nitlon (Kingdom Hearts fanfic) [link]
Distressed
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Welcome!
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"I don't think who you fall in love with... has anything to do with logic." --George, ParaKiss ♥
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RockstaRbyDesign
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"I don't think who you fall in love with... has anything to do with logic." --George, ParaKiss ♥
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if i can't please everyone with my art, i will please a few...
gbu!
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"I don't think who you fall in love with... has anything to do with logic." --George, ParaKiss ♥
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if i can't please everyone with my art, i will please a few...
gbu!
it's beautiful! >w<
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"I don't think who you fall in love with... has anything to do with logic." --George, ParaKiss ♥
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